Ways to Make Hitsugaya Toshiro Want to Kill You
by Skalfite S. Burst
Summary: I've thought up 100 so far. Can you give me more? Also, I think it's K Plus, but I might be wrong. Might be T depending on what else I come up with.
1. Chapter 1

Ways to Make Hitsugaya Toshiro Want to Kill You:

1) Seal his room and then fill it with water.

2) Empty his room of absolutely everything, even Toshiro himself if need be.

3) Increase the heat in his room to 200 degrees warmer then it is usually.

4) When he goes to change it back, climb in the window dressed as an Eskimo and set his desk on fire.

) Have Gandalf magically seal him in his room and throw: a) Cats at him, b) Balloons filled with paint at him, c) Rangiku at him, or d) All his paperwork scrunched up into little balls at him.

) While he's doing paperwork, throw 5 cats and a hyperactive puppy into the room.

&) While he's doing paperwork, break down the door and throw his paperwork, desk, sword, and vice-captain out the window.

) Then yell at him to stop slacking off and get back to work.

() When he comes out of his room, dump molasses on him.

!))Then coat him in feathers and stick a red, rubber glove on his head.

!!) Then run through the Seiretei yelling that Toshiro's a chicken.

!) While he's asleep, dress him like a baby and drag him through the Seiretei, yelling, "Baby for sale!" at the top of your voice. When he wakes up, throw bottles of milk at his head yelling "Rock-a-bye Baby" at the top of your lungs.

!#) Follow him everywhere while wearing a gasmask and continually ask him if he's your mommy.

!) Steal his sword and hide it, leaving fake clues about where it is and who did it.

!) Dye his hair fluorescent orange and replace Hyourinmaru with Zangetsu.

!) Play the theme song of "Barney" at top volume.

!&) Then chase him around the room in a Barney costume.

!) Tie him to a cross and start playing Christian rock music while yelling, "The savior has come!" from the roof.

!() Fill his room with melted chocolate. When he opens the door and gets swallowed by the gooey mass, lather his hair with peanut butter.

))In the human world, after a fresh snowfall, chase him around on a giant snowball, hurling smaller snowballs at his head, and yelling Christmas carols at the top of your voice.

21) In the middle of the night, run through the Seiretei yelling that Toshiro wants to kill you. Then, run into his room and set his bed on fire with him still in it.

22)While asleep, dress him in clown clothes, paint his face, duct tape a red, rubber nose to his face, dye strips of flashy colors into his hair, and then get his hair _permed_.

23) Come in during a captain's meeting dressed as a clown. Then, quickly make a balloon animal and hand it to him.

2) Stick two ice cream cones on top of his head like bunny ears.

5) Replace all his clothes with Mickey Mouse outfits.

6) Put a horse or two in his room. Pink ones.

&) Replace his desk with a piñata.

28) Put pink, fuzzy bunny pajamas on him in the middle of the night.

29) Put drawings of fuzzy, pink bunnies on all his paperwork in pen.

30) Play "The Final Countdown" whenever he walks into a room, simultaneously throwing balls of confetti on his head.

31) At a party, convince him to open a party ball. Laugh at him when Yachiru falls on his head.

32) Strategically start to play the "Psycho Theme" so that it reaches its climax right as he enters the room. Then run screaming out of said room. Double back and start stabbing him in the head with a carrot.

33) Fill his room with marbles.

34) Dress like Santa, come down the chimney, and ask him whether he's been a good little boy this year. Then steal all his paperwork and run.

35) Turn his paperwork into paper airplanes and throw them at Yoruichi. Or Soi Fon. Or Kenpachi Zaraki. Whoever's the most handy.

36)Laugh at Toshiro as he: a) gets mad or b) runs for his life. Or c) both.

3&) Play classical music very low during the night before suddenly switching to playing rock music at full volume.

#8) "Apprehend" Monkey D. Luffy and take him to Toshiro for questioning. As you walk in, call him by his title. Laugh as Luffy makes fun of him.

#() Spread two rumors to completely different people that Toshiro has it hot for Momo or vice versa. Watch as Momo chases him around trying to kill him.

40) As they run past, call out something along the lines of, "Having fun, _Captain_?" Then explain to Luffy that the little short guy in the white coat is a Captain.

41) Drop a carton of eggs on his head.

42) Somehow get both Toshiro and Edward Elric into the same room and make fun of their height at the same time. (Double the fun!)

43) Walk into his room wearing a broccoli costume and yelling that good little boys eat their veggies. Then hit him over the head with a giant, plastic carrot.

44) Draw the Hidden Leaf symbol on everything (walls, floors, desk, paperwork…) in the 10th Division. Then dress Toshiro like Shippuden Sasuke.

) Burst into his room as he wakes up and loudly declare him a "traitor to the Leaf." Then throw rubber shuriken at his head.

46) Collect every book in the 10th Division and ceremoniously sacrifice them to Loki, the God of Evil. All this should be done in the dead of night and in Toshiro's room.

47) Sell everything he owns to Zaraki and Mayuri. This includes books, desks, vice-captain, clothes, Hyourinmaru, body, and soul. Sell the body to Zaraki and the soul to Mayuri and laugh as they try to figure out what to do.

48) Put lots of small, Peeps-like pastries under his covers. This includes Peeps, Twinkies, Hostess Cupcakes, and cheesecakes.

49) Paint his face and hands metallic gray, cover him in tinfoil, place a funnel on his head, and give him an axe. Also tie a scarecrow to him. Get Rangiku to act and dress like Dorothy. Give Rangiku a dog as well. Get Yachiru into a lion outfit. Paint all the floors in the 10th Division like yellow bricks. Meanwhile, as Rangiku and Yachiru drag him through the 10th Division, dress like one of the flying monkeys and leap from a doorframe onto his head.

50) Dress Toshiro like Zaraki and give him Zaraki's zanpaku-to. Then place him in the 11th Division.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Ways to Make Hitsugaya Toshiro Want to Kill You: Ways 51 - 100_**

51) Trick the Doctor into coming to the Seiretei. Then, steal his coat, sonic screwdriver, and TARDIS. Replace them with Toshiro's coat and sword. Put the TARDIS in the middle of Zaraki's room.

52) Walk into his room and kiss him.

53) Bend your knees so you're around his height. Follow him around all day. At the end of the day, remark on how much it must hurt to have walked like this for the last hundred or so years.

54) Nail everything in the 10th Division to the ceiling.

55) Attack him wearing a Grim Reaper costume. At night. When it's dark. After watching a scary movie about the Grim Reaper.

56) Try to suck up his head with a vacuum cleaner.

57) Set his shoes on fire. And coats.

58) Get the Doctor to take him on a trip through time and space… then leave him somewhere.

59) Hide countless clocks throughout the 10th Division, set to go off one after another in 1 minute increments.

60) Stick a giant lollypop to his face while he's sleeping.

Translate everything he's written on his papers into Ancient Greek.

Start playing "Valley of the Damned" by Dragonforce when he's sleeping. When he wakes up, "exorcise" him.

While he's sleeping, dress him like a pirate and put a cockatoo on his head.

Hide under his desk/bed/couch/sink and grab his feet when he walks past.

65) Put cookie jars on his desk. Lots of cookie jars.

Replace Hyourinmaru with a medieval broad sword. Chase him around the room with a battle axe while wearing a medieval suit of armor.

Drop him in a trash can then partly fill it with quick-dry cement.

Take all the chairs you can find and hide them in his closet.

Make a bonfire in the middle of his room. Put a cross in the middle of the bonfire and nail a little Toshiro doll to it.

70)Tattoo his face with smilies and butterflies.

Get a cloning machine and clone as many Matsumotos as you think will fit in  
his office and put them in there, moderately drunk. (dcapit8)

Paint Momo red in streaks while she's asleep, do the same to a zanpaku-to and  
stand there holding it when he walks in. (dcapit8)

Trick him into walking past an elementary school at around 9:00 or so. Run into the office yelling that one of their students has escaped.

Run into his room at night and yell, "Trust me! _I'm_ a _**DOCTOR!!**_" then wrap him in bandages from head to toe. Run out of his room screaming about how the mummy's returned.

75) Stick garden gnomes everywhere. Really creepy ones with demonic-jet-black-with-white-pupil eyes. Put them on his bed, in the shower, under his desk, in closets…

Dress up like Darth Vader and come into his room at night. Stand over him and say things like, "Toshiro… _I_… am your father!" and "Come to the dark side, Toshiro. We have cookies. Do you want a cookie? An _eeeeeeevil_ cookie?"

Cut a hole in his bed.

Shave all his hair off. Save all of it.

After all his hair grows back, dump the old hair on his chest.

80) Follow him around all day, occasionally calling out things like, "Make way! Captain Grump-head coming through!" or "It's Captain Short-stack! Don't stand at attention or you might make him feel even more short!"

Dress him in a cow suit and take him trick-o'-treating.

Stare at him all day long. Squat around corners as he walks around him and just… stare.

Hide his paperwork. In books, nailed to the bottom of chairs/desks, glued to the ceiling, sewed to the back of his coat, wrapped around Hyourinmaru…

Replace every page in all the books in the 10th Division with coloring pages, pop-ups, and children's stories.

85) Switch his desk drawers around and take all the writing implements.

Fill every drawer, closet, and cabinet with packing peanuts.

Duct tape the backs of all the drawers to the desk itself, making it hard to open.

Make all his reports rhyme.

Cover every piece of furniture in the 10th Division with Christmas lights. All the doors too. Also, put obscenely large Christmas decorations in the middle of all the hallways. Stand in the middle of Toshiro's room while singing Christmas carols at the top of your voice.

90) While he's in the bathroom, flash a flashlight under the door. Then scream as you bang on the door. Then kick the door down and drench him with a bucket of water.

Super-glue every door you can find _shut_.

Brick in his door. Put in about five layers of bricks.

Unscrew all the light bulbs in the 10th Division. Then wake everybody up with a megaphone.

Chain him to his bed.

95) Put his hair into spikes like Zaraki's, except sticking out in weird directions, like directly down his face or out like a unicorn's horn.

Repeat everything he says with a 5 second delay.

Seal all his furniture in Jell-o. (Like how people put, like, fruit inside Jell-o molds)

Follow him around all day in a Dalek suit. Whenever he starts to speak, scream "EXTERMINATE!!" and then hit him with the plunger.

Paint his room yellow with smiley faces on every wall, floor, ceiling, and furniture. Bust down his door with a yell of "Grump-ness will not be tolerated!" then hit him on the head with a long, yellow stick with a smiley pancake on the end.

100) Dress him in a Pikachu costume.


	3. Chapter 3

I have recently or not gotten an review that says that I should write this list as various stories (or something along those lines). However, I suck at writing stories, so I am allowing anyone who wants to to story-fy my list. Just write this at the beginning of each story: Slibble slip-shod pickle muffins. These stories are an advertisment for the gate to the underworld, more often known as _Skalfite S. Burst_'s imagination... Fear it. ('.') ... !!jdfkljshflsa.

101) Let all his fangirls into his room. Add being drunk for added fun! (based off animemaster62's idea)

102) Put Battlestar Galactica propaganda posters on both sides of every door in the 10th Division. Reply to and say nothing that isn't… Battlestar Galactica-y…

103) Dive bomb his head with a remote-controlled helicopter.

104) Wake him up in the middle of the night by poking him in the face and saying things like, "Toshiro? Are you asleep, Toshiro?" When he wakes up, ask him to read you "Berenstein Bears Go to Camp." Pester him until he does.

105) Take pictures of this and hand them out to everyone you can find.

106) Personally deliver any message to him. Right as you get to anything remotely important, stop and walk into the next room. Continue reading until he follows you in. Repeat.

107) Wander around the 10th Division playing the bagpipes as bad as you humanly can while simultaneously singing a sea shanty even worse.

108) Steal every desk and table but leave everything that was on top of it on the floor.

109) Stab Hyourinmaru into a wall about 50 feet off the ground.

110) Pour butter on the floor and let it harden.

While playing darts, surreptitiously remove the tip of one of the darts and hurl it at Toshiro, yelling "Catch!!" while doing so.

Remove everything in his drawers then fill it with cotton candy.

113) Put Momo in his bed and vice versa (or put them in the same bed, whichever you prefer).

Remove everything from the top of his desk and cover it from side-to-side with paper cups filled with water. Staple each cup to any cup it touches.

115) Paint the words "Hot Stuff" on his cheeks while he's sleeping.

Whenever you are told to retrieve something, bring him fries or any such side-order with it. Stale and cold preferred.

117) Tie his door handle to the handle of the door opposite. Then, knock.

Everyday, change the size of his shoes and clothes. First make them too big. Then, too small. Then, even smaller, back to normal, small, big, bigger, normal…

Coat his room with a fine layer of sugar. Do this by super-gluing a large fan to the floor then hit it with a large bag of sugar.

120) Flip every door around so that push is pull and vice versa.

Hide in the ventilation shaft and throw peanuts at his head while he's working or when he's in an important meeting.

Stand in the corner of his room and stare at the wall all day. Yell at him when he makes any sort of noise.

123) Hard-boil every egg you can find.

Put three mice into his room. One in his drawer, another in his bed, and the third in the bookshelves. For even more fun, paint the numbers 1, 2, and 4 on their backs. He will go crazy trying to find Mouse 3.

125) Super-glue everything on his desk to the desk.

Fill the toilets with dry-ice.

Block every door with plastic wrap

Sneak up on him in the middle of the night and stare at him while wearing a chicken suit. Slowly reach out and poke him in the face. When he wakes up, scream "Cock-a-doodle-doo!!" at the top of your voice and shine a flashlight in his face.

While he's doing work, climb in through the window and set his coat sleeve on fire.

130) Challenge him to a duel. When he accepts (he's bound to if you've done all this to him), attack him with a toy lightsaber.

Glue luminous mushrooms to the ceiling.

Play with a jackhammer while he's sleeping. Destroy as much as you can with it.

133) Cut a hole in his ceiling but don't let it fall into his room. When it's dark and Toshiro is working, crash through the ceiling while screaming in fear. Run over to him and beg him to go up and rout out the zombies. Pester him until he does. When he leaves, quickly draw a horde of zombies attacking a group of fluffy animals on his most important document.

After he comes back to the 10th Division after handing in his report (and receiving a few mocking questions about the zombies, such as, "I do hope the zombies haven't taken the 10th Division yet…"), slam open the door, dressed as a zombie, and latch onto his head.

135) Send a newsletter out to all the Squad Lieutenants (except Rangiku, of course) about what you did to make him mad that day.

Walk around the 10th Division all day yelling things like, "Hot dogs! Get urr hot dogs here!!" Get mad when anyone tries to get a hot dog.

Rewrite his paperwork backwards. This includes the entire thing, letters, words… Like say we reversed this list. This would be number 13 and look like this: :siht ekil kool dna 31 rebmun eb dluow sihT .tsil siht desrever ew yas ekiL …sdrow ,srettel ,gniht eritne eht sedulcni sihT .sdrawkcab krowrepap sih etirweR

Crash through the ceiling and onto his desk and start break-dancing. Then, leap to your feet and scream, "May your pants be devoured by ravenous coyotes!!" in Ancient Egyptian.

Run screaming into his room, gibber at him, and then leap out the closed window. Repeat every 30 minutes.

140) Turn his room into an aquarium.

Glue his hand to his cheek.

Move his furniture around. Make it as hard to walk through as possible.

143) Steal his desk and leave a ransom note in its place. Feel free to do this with any object you can think of.

Shave him bald and tattoo a blue arrow onto his head. Attack him while dressed like Zuko.

145) Fill his room waist high with sand and build a massive sandcastle in the middle.

Drop burgers on his head every 5 minutes.

Calmly walk into his room and fall asleep on his desk.

Install a disco ball in his room. Make it so the light switch turns the disco ball on instead of the lights. Play disco music for added effect.

Drop foam anvils on his head whenever you get a chance.

150) LAST PRANK: When he is sufficiently nervous from being pranked everyday, do nothing for weeks. Then, start the list over.


End file.
